Last Thursday, I failed the second interview that would have given me one of those new openings my had for, um, that other fiber-optic kind of Internet provider. (I can’t name it by name. It’s a fireable offense.) Hate to have to admit it, but I seem destined to be laid off at the end of the month.
I immediately finalized my present employer’s paragraph in my résumé and uploaded it up to Monster.com, Yahoo! Hotjobs, and ColumbusHelpWanted.com. Already the new résumé is yielding results, though not all of it is good. I immediately got recruitment letters from several insurance companies who think that no matter what else you may have done with your life for the past 30 to 40 years, they have an insurance sales position in their company with your name on it.
I haven’t the slightest idea what makes these Mensa candidates think they can teach Internet tech supporters how to sell life insurance.
“Okay, Ms. Johnson, now that we’ve deleted your temporary Internet files and your cookies, restored your security defaults, and rebooted your browser, I’d like you to go to the address field at the top of the browser and type in, ‘MutualOfOmaha.com’. That’s right, Ms. Johnson. Now look down the left hand side of the page and click on the link that says ‘Why You Need Life Insurance.'”
With my luck, I’ll probably still get the angry bastards that get misrouted over from Cable TV.
“I wanna know right now why I’m not getting my Movies On Demand!!”
“You expect to find this out from calling an insurance office?”
“Your head’s gonna roll for that, meathead! I wanna talk to your boss right now!! And don’t give me that dreck about the cost of funerals!”
“Very well then, sir. I can arrange for you to find out firsthand.”