Giving My Testimony

I know backwards and forwards how important it is for me to tell other people about Jesus. Just, why is it so important for me to tell others about what Jesus Christ did for me specifically? I mean, do I have to include all the bad stuff I did before I went up the aisle to the altar?

Back in about 1993 or so, I drew this comic in which Galen the Saintly, a mouse angel, hosted a cooking TV show called The Flying Gourmet. On this show, he poured great big globs of greasy grimy gopher guts onto a plate and then applied such dessert toppings as whipped cream, nuts, and a maraschino cherry to it. The toppings, he said, were like the good deeds we do. While they have their own good flavor, they are powerless to make the gopher guts any more palatable. The gopher guts represent sinful you and me without Christ in our lives. There’s nothing any good work can do to make you and me acceptable to God.

This comic was good, but at the same time, it was scary. What I was afraid would happen was that people who read the strip would be so knocked on their butts by the message that they would pass it up to their church pastors, and they too would be knocked on their butts. The comic would be renamed the Parable of the Gopher Guts and would be preached from pulpits from sea to shining sea.

The origin of the comic would be traced back to me, and I would become wildly famous and be asked for an interview on one of the major Christian broadcasting networks they had back then. They would sit me down in a chair that looks like a golden royal throne and this guy in a suit that costs more than my dilapidated Dodge Aspen would sit in another one of those royal thrones across from me, and ask me in a thick Southern drawl the same furshluggin’ question he asks pretty darn nearly everybody:

“How did yew come t’ know th’ Lorrd Jee-sus Chriiist?”

And it is then that I would have to give My Testimony.

My Testimony. A profoundly powerful phrase in and of itself. When you write it, capitalize both words. When you say it, say it with reverence and a thump to your chest.

Thump! My Testimony!

What My Testimony is is a blow by blow account of the sorry state of your life right up to and including that pivotal time when you trudged up the center aisle of the church to admit how bad you’ve been before the Lord and accept His free offer of salvation through Jesus’ blood.

I guess the thing that scares me the most about giving my My Testimony is I didn’t have one of the really bad pre-conversion lives out there. The Lord got me really early in life before I had a chance to go really bad. No drugs and prostitution for me. The worst thing I had going for me back then was failing grades in seventh grade. I wasn’t doing my homework and even lying to Mom about it, and looking back on that, yes, that would have sent me to Hell had God chosen to take me out back then. So yes, I didn’t want to go up before God without those sins unforgiven.

So now the danger of having to give My Testimony on national Christian television has passed, but I’m noticing that on Second Life, stand-up comedy in general is not doing too well, no matter how good my or anybody else’s material is.

Is God telling me that I’m speaking in the wrong venues about the wrong things?


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